My first thought of writing a book was almost 20 years ago. I wanted to write about my experience with online dating and finding my amazing husband to inspire others to put themselves out there and find their own pot of gold, so to speak. But I never did it. I didn’t know where to start. Then I got more serious about writing a book five years ago, and I actually started writing. But again, I didn’t know where to go with it, and I only wrote a portion of the book before tabling it until some day in the future.
Last summer, I got an email from HopeBooks looking for contributors for a book then called, “Arise Above”. The publisher was looking for individual perspectives around overcoming a significant life challenge. PERFECT! I knew that was something I had plenty of experience with, and I replied immediately that I wanted to write a chapter for this book. To my surprise, my idea was accepted and the journey to publication began.
I wasted no time in getting started writing. My chapter would be about experiencing child estrangement, and how that has affected my life. There was a word range and limit for my chapter, and as I wrote, I couldn’t stop the story from spilling out. Tears fell as I typed, and I was easily transported back in time. Before I knew it, I had written almost 10,000 words, doubling the limit that I needed to abide by. It was then that I realized that this chapter should become a book of its own at some point. Hold that thought.
Developing the chapter into something that inspires hope and offers practical ideas and tools for thriving after losing a child who has chosen to exit your life, was both a challenge and a reminder for me. I have learned a lot about myself in the past 8, almost 9, years without my son in my life. First, I am still here, and I am living out my God-given purpose. But there is so much more to consider. When my son was taken from me, and I truly believe he was, everything changed. As a parent, you are never the same. God bless you if these words resonate with you like they do me. The pain never truly leaves.
Submitting my writing to my editor was terrifying, and sort of resembled opening up my heart and handing a stranger a scalpel. The story I tell isn’t a pretty one, and there’s always the reality that someone reading it will think that somehow I deserved what happened to my son and to me. I’m still working on letting go of what others might think. This chapter is not for them. It’s for the mom or dad who has lost a living child for one reason or another, and is desperate to have him/her back in their life. It’s for that mom or dad who has endured watching their child be abused by their other parent and poisoned against them. It’s for the parent who continues to love and grieve their child all at once, and hopes for reconciliation someday. This chapter is for you.
The editing process was much less painful than I imagined, and refining my work entailed a lot of second-guessing, condensing and hoping that something I wrote would be helpful to the reader. Before submitting my final version, I sent it to a trusted friend to read. I had read over it so many times by then that nothing seemed good anymore. She was so gracious to drop everything on a Saturday night to give me her feedback. She offered a couple of minor tweaks, which I loved, and then I sent it off to be published. For sure, her kind words and positive reaction boosted my confidence in hitting the send button. It was only four days before Christmas.
Within weeks, Zoom meetings were scheduled to meet the other 9 authors, and the launch party planned for late February. The book became available for purchase on Amazon on February 7th, officially adding “published author” to my resume. The experience has been a mix of emotions, from excitement at having something I’ve written published in a book, to fear of putting my life and my heartbreak out into the world. One of my friends told me after reading it this week that she feels like she knows me even better now. I hope when you read this book, it gives you hope and encouragement in whatever hard thing you are going through. And when you read my chapter, maybe you will know me a little better too.
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